*For English scroll down*
То, что итальянцы любят делать в знак дружелюбия в Неаполе, и что в России считается неприемлемым:
- перебивать другого. Прерывание чьей-то истории для итальянца—святое дело. Если рассказ вас очень увлекает, то вы обязательно найдёте что вставить из своего опыта сразу в середине разговора. Это означает, что вы очень внимательно слушаете собеседника и готовы немедленно обсудить эту тему.
- трогать другого человека. Итальянцы очень тактильны, даже не с самыми близкими людьми. Похлопать по плечу, провести по руке-обычное дело. Ущипнуть за щеку, положить ладонь на заднюю часть шеи другого, погладить по голове—эти жесты предназначены не только для партнеров, но используются и среди друзей и просто знакомых.
То, что итальянцы любят делать в знак дружелюбия в Неаполе, и что в России считается неприемлемым:
- перебивать другого. Прерывание чьей-то истории для итальянца—святое дело. Если рассказ вас очень увлекает, то вы обязательно найдёте что вставить из своего опыта сразу в середине разговора. Это означает, что вы очень внимательно слушаете собеседника и готовы немедленно обсудить эту тему.
- трогать другого человека. Итальянцы очень тактильны, даже не с самыми близкими людьми. Похлопать по плечу, провести по руке-обычное дело. Ущипнуть за щеку, положить ладонь на заднюю часть шеи другого, погладить по голове—эти жесты предназначены не только для партнеров, но используются и среди друзей и просто знакомых.
- свистеть. Удивительно, но русские суеверия и неаполитанские — практически идентичны. Разбитые зеркала, чёрная кошка, пустые вёдра, обметание метлой—южане от этого охают и начинают причитать. Но вот про то, что дома нельзя свистеть — никто не слышал. Неаполитанец идёт с песней по жизни, а свист—это аккомпанемент к ней, так что неумение это делать, скорее, выдаст в вас иностранца)
- вставать из-за стола посреди семейного обеда. Итальянские обеды и ужины иногда растягиваются на два часа, блюда меняются один за другим. Это нормально—встать из-за стола после пасты, чтобы посмотреть отрывок фильма или матча и вернуться обратно, когда будет готово второе.
- долго прощаться в дверях. В России все обмены новостями и выстраивание планов на следующую встречу происходят до того, как вы начнёте надевать верхнюю одежду перед выходом, в Неаполе же готовьтесь застрять в дверях на следующие полчаса-час. «Ой ну ладно, я пойду, увидимся через две недели на Дне Рождения Винченцо» - «Ой, а вы что помирились?» - «Да, мы встретились на вечеринке у Лючии в честь ее выпуска» - «А чем у неё кормили? Я слышала, они прямо загнались с меню» - «Да нет, всего 5 блюд сменили. Вот я бы на ее месте сделал так...» ну вы поняли... это признаюсь, мне далось тяжелее всего.
Вообще, наблюдать за такими мелочами в других странах - моя самая любимая часть. Это показывает, насколько любые наши культурные привычки продиктованы не здравым смыслом или общими правилами вежливости, а контекстом в конкретной стране. Именно умение относиться к этому спокойно помогает увидеть, что в общих вещах мы все похожи, несмотря на эти маленькие различия.
***
When you move around a lot, you may notice that while many cultures may
have a lot in common, it’s the small things that usually get you in
trouble. It certainly takes some time for you to understand the local
ethics code, especially when the details in it are completely different
from the ones you grew up in. To me this is the most interesting part,
so I made a really everyday and yet weird list of things that are
considered really impolite in Russia and which have a positive
connotation in Southern Italy.
-interrupting. Stopping someone in the middle of their story just to give your opinion on the matter is a must in Italy. Interrupting is a sign that you’re really interested in the topic and you are eager to share your experience as well. Apparently it gives you credit as an attentive listener. In Russia, however, it may be considered a sign of the utter disrespect.
-touching. No, not in terms of imposing on someone’s personal borders on the street. Italian culture in general is more “touchy” than the Northern or Eastern ones. Stroking someone’s hand, patting a back, touching the hair - it’s common even if you don’t know a person closely. Pinching a cheek, putting a hand on the back of someone’s neck, touching a nose - these are the things reserved not just for lovers but also for friends and acquaintances.
-the “tst” sound. Ok, well, this is a really Russian thing. A “tst” sound in our culture is practically “you annoy the crap out of me, just shut it, get lost, don’t touch me”, it is a sign of extreme annoyance. In Italy it’s just a neutral “no”. My Russian friends once almost started a fight with some Italian guys at the bar until I explained them that our two countries have completely different understanding of what it means.
- whistling. Russians are really superstitious (some pagan cultures roots for ya here). Weirdly, Neapolitans have the exact same superstitions as well. Except for the whistling. Eastern Europe has a weird superstition that whistling in the house will make you poor (don’t ask
).
It is also considered a sign of a badly educated person. A real
Neapolitan, though, lives with a song in his heart and he always needs
some out-loud melody to go with it. So if you want to live in the local
district, make sure to learn how to whistle.
- getting out of the table before finishing the meal. While Russians tend to put all the good they have on the table at the same time while eating, Italians change the courses during the meal, which can take quite some time. It’s a normal thing to stand up after a plate of pasta to go and look through some movie or soccer match really fast and to come back when the next dish is served.
-getting stuck in the doorway while you are saying goodbye. Russians usually finish all their plan-making “see-ya-in-a-week” talk before they open the door to leave the host’s house or a party. Italians tend to say goodbye and hang in there for a little bit more... sometimes it can go up to 30 minutes or even one hour. “Ok, I’ll roll now, see you next week”-“wait,why? Are you going to the Vincenzo’s party? I though you guys didn’t talk”-“well yeah but I met him at Lucia’s graduation and...”-“ah how was it by the way? I heard she had a 5-course dinner at her party?”-“well no, it was bigger but the food wasn’t so good. They cooked the prawn wrong. I usually put it in the water just before...” you get the idea, I think?
this was probably the hardest one for me to get used to because poor
post-Soviet children were taught that if you keep standing and talking
in the door, you’re irritating the host. It doesn’t work like this in
Southern Italy, thanks God.
These are the ones that I got to remember on the run and which always amuse me the most. I think, the ability to be open-minded about these things is what helps you adapt anywhere. Different climate, cultural context, even history make some extremely impolite things in one country completely acceptable in another one. And this is the most interesting thing to learn when you move abroad or travel, I think.
-interrupting. Stopping someone in the middle of their story just to give your opinion on the matter is a must in Italy. Interrupting is a sign that you’re really interested in the topic and you are eager to share your experience as well. Apparently it gives you credit as an attentive listener. In Russia, however, it may be considered a sign of the utter disrespect.
-touching. No, not in terms of imposing on someone’s personal borders on the street. Italian culture in general is more “touchy” than the Northern or Eastern ones. Stroking someone’s hand, patting a back, touching the hair - it’s common even if you don’t know a person closely. Pinching a cheek, putting a hand on the back of someone’s neck, touching a nose - these are the things reserved not just for lovers but also for friends and acquaintances.
-the “tst” sound. Ok, well, this is a really Russian thing. A “tst” sound in our culture is practically “you annoy the crap out of me, just shut it, get lost, don’t touch me”, it is a sign of extreme annoyance. In Italy it’s just a neutral “no”. My Russian friends once almost started a fight with some Italian guys at the bar until I explained them that our two countries have completely different understanding of what it means.
- whistling. Russians are really superstitious (some pagan cultures roots for ya here). Weirdly, Neapolitans have the exact same superstitions as well. Except for the whistling. Eastern Europe has a weird superstition that whistling in the house will make you poor (don’t ask
).
It is also considered a sign of a badly educated person. A real
Neapolitan, though, lives with a song in his heart and he always needs
some out-loud melody to go with it. So if you want to live in the local
district, make sure to learn how to whistle.- getting out of the table before finishing the meal. While Russians tend to put all the good they have on the table at the same time while eating, Italians change the courses during the meal, which can take quite some time. It’s a normal thing to stand up after a plate of pasta to go and look through some movie or soccer match really fast and to come back when the next dish is served.
-getting stuck in the doorway while you are saying goodbye. Russians usually finish all their plan-making “see-ya-in-a-week” talk before they open the door to leave the host’s house or a party. Italians tend to say goodbye and hang in there for a little bit more... sometimes it can go up to 30 minutes or even one hour. “Ok, I’ll roll now, see you next week”-“wait,why? Are you going to the Vincenzo’s party? I though you guys didn’t talk”-“well yeah but I met him at Lucia’s graduation and...”-“ah how was it by the way? I heard she had a 5-course dinner at her party?”-“well no, it was bigger but the food wasn’t so good. They cooked the prawn wrong. I usually put it in the water just before...” you get the idea, I think?
this was probably the hardest one for me to get used to because poor
post-Soviet children were taught that if you keep standing and talking
in the door, you’re irritating the host. It doesn’t work like this in
Southern Italy, thanks God.These are the ones that I got to remember on the run and which always amuse me the most. I think, the ability to be open-minded about these things is what helps you adapt anywhere. Different climate, cultural context, even history make some extremely impolite things in one country completely acceptable in another one. And this is the most interesting thing to learn when you move abroad or travel, I think.
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